P!NK has this magical ability to move my soul with just about every song she sings. In 90 Days, she tugs at the scars I have on my heart from a marriage that fell apart. Despite making every effort I knew how to make in order to save the relationship, there simply wasn’t anything left to save. I loved my ex the day I walked out the door, but I couldn’t stick around and continue to have my heart trampled into the dirt. Nothing is more painful than loving someone deeply, but to not feel that same level of love returned.
P!NK’s lyrics in 90 Days echo the very sentiments I felt as my marriage crumbled around me:
“If I’m just somebody that you’re gonna leave And you don’t feel something when you look at me You’re holdin’ my heart, mmm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly, I’ll be okay If you’re just some habit that I gotta break I can clear my system in 90 days You’re holdin’ my heart, mmm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly…”
Thehardest part of ending my marriage was the fact he claimed he didn’t want to lose me. Yet, he also wasn’t willing to change. He wouldn’t stop doing the things that hurt me. It was almost as if he didn’t like being married to me, but he wasn’t willing to let me go because it would make him look bad to be divorced.
In many ways, I wish he had been able to let go. If he was going to leave me emotionally, I wish he would have left me physically. Because the holding onto me just for the sake of being able to save face, made an even deeper scar.
However much my heart suffered, I am thankful I walked away from the relationship with my three girls. That alone made the suffering worth it. But I can honestly say I understand the words P!NK sings in this song, and they touch my soul on a very intricate level.
Have you ever experienced a relationship like P!NK sings about in 90 Days?