It actually is my birthday! The video posted above is my jam today. It’s such a fun, upbeat song, and I love everything about the choreography! It makes me happy when I listen to it.
I needed this song today. I don’t know about you guys, but the past several years I have found I tend to wake up feeling depressed on my birthday. Don’t get me wrong, some great things happen on my birthday. My kids singing to me always makes me feel happy inside. I get birthday wishes from friends and family. My dad wakes me up every year with an early morning phone call, and he sings “Happy Birthday” like he’s at a rock concert. It makes me laugh every time.
As I have gotten older, however, I’ve noticed emotions stirring inside me that make it harder to feel completely happy when my birthday rolls around.
One thing I know really makes it difficult for me to enjoy my special day is the fact my mom puts very little effort into our relationship. I’ve tried everything I know how to do to connect with her, but it’s as if she doesn’t want to.
This morning she sent me a text message: “Happy Birthday. I love you.” I wrote back, “Thank you. Can you call?”
I had to ask my own mother to please call me on the anniversary of the day she gave birth to me…
She did eventually call and we awkwardly swapped pleasantries. I’m not sure if it made my day better or worse, honestly. Maybe it would’ve been better not to hear her struggling to find words to say to me.
I also find I have a lot of memories of birthdays from the past that I shared with people I am no longer close to or never hear from anymore. Memories of time spent with my ex husband. Friends I parted ways with because the relationship just wasn’t healthy.
I don’t regret moving on in life. It’s important to have healthy relationships/friendships. Yet, sometimes I just feel sad that things didn’t quite work out the way I hoped they would.
Life can be so hard sometimes, and it bums me out a bit that the really special days are sometimes the days when I remember the hard times the most.
There is always a bright side! Always a happy memory to hold onto. A special moment to make the day a little better.
Today this fun, upbeat KPOP song made me smile and feel a little lighter inside. I’ll listen to it a few more times as I hold on to the good memories from my birthday this year and let the sadder ones drift off into space.